I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
