Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
