it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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