you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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