You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
