Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
