i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
