that's an acceptable place to lick
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
