Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
its liver damage thursday
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
