I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's official drugs can't kill me
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
