we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
