Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
