help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
