My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
