dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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