they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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