I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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