I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We had to coat check the pizza.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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