SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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