so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
