i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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