some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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