Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
