He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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