Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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