Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
