very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
