happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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