dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
