whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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