I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
