We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
