If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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