Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
