i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
