everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
