don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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