Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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