Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
