hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
