I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
