Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
