Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
