it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
