Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
