I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
