His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
