btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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