Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
