dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
